JOHN MCLOONE

I aim to be at one with nature, but my aim is off target.
It’s not my fault, though. It’s nature’s fault. It’s out to get me.
Summer is for fun. It’s only nice weather in these parts for a very limited time of the year. This past winter was mild, but it was still winter. By now, we should be in a stretch of days with weather that I deem acceptable. That means packing a year’s worth of interaction with nature into this limited time frame.
I don’t think that’s going to happen this summer. Forces of nature are coming together to make it difficult.
First of all, when did pollen start falling like snow? Is there some kind of rule of nature that a certain amount of stuff needs to fall from the sky? This year, there wasn’t much snow, so we’re getting big clumps of green stuff along with the everyday film. I want to go outside and frolic among the trees and flowers, but my allergies have other ideas.
As time has passed, my time outside has lessened, for a variety of reasons. First of all, I’m old and that means you got to the point where you do what you want, and I don’t want to do as much as I used to. I should, I know. It would be good for me. I used to golf before I had kids. I was no good at it. It was purely for fun. Then we started having kids. Also, the company I worked for apparently no longer wanted me to work there, and they were paying my golf course membership. I then channeled all the time I was chasing the beer cart on the golf course into becoming the perfect father.
We did plenty of stuff that included nature. Heck, I even took hikes in the woods. For crying out loud, we even had a camping phase. It wasn’t real camping like in a tent. My people don’t do that kind of thing. My idea of camping is a motel with bad cable, but we did have a camper that we hauled from place to place. We didn’t camp when we were kids. In fact, I remember having to take my younger brother on the father-son Boy Scout trip, because my dad was absolutely not going to camp in the woods. Perhaps this aversion to nature is in my DNA.
I did enjoy outdoor pursuits that involved not venturing too far from civilization. For years, I grilled nearly every dinner. Sure, it’s no hike in the woods, but it got me out of the house.
Then came this year. I’m under attack from the trees in my yard, and they have teamed up with mosquitos the size of hummingbirds. I had to be outside in a volunteer capacity for a community even Friday night, and any exposed flesh was under siege for hours.
I realized then how wise my father was. Next year, I’m sending my son. Nature won the battle this year.